Wed, Oct 11, 2023 is National Coming out Day. I did not realize that until I received an email from my HR to ask if I would love to share my personal coming out story in the panel session on that day. Even though, I won’t be able to join the panel in person because of my planned trip, I decided to tell my story through the recording and hope I still can bring some love to the audience in my video. This was the first time that I publicly shared my story, I felt quite nervous but I know it is time for me to step out and show my support to the community since that is how I was helped. In my last company, ChannelAdvisor, I did not come out until my colleagues started an LGBTQIA+ ERG group, shared their stories and knowledges to others, and then got the fully support from the company. So, it is my turn now. 
The following is the contents for my recording. While I was preparing my notes, I found that this is such a wonderful closure to my younger self and equips me with stronger confidence and belief to the next chapters of my life.
hello everyone, I am Ting Chou, and my pronouns are She/Her. I am new to Enact; I started in this June, and I work on the Data Engineering team. Although I'd like to be there with you all in person for this panel, I am currently at my CTO. When the DEI Council and HR teams asked me if I would be willing to share my own story, I said, of course. For me, it would be a good opportunity to share some different perspectives and also let people who are in the similar situations as I am know that they are not alone! So, here is my story. I remember when I was a kid; I knew there were physical differences between boys and girls, but other than that, the separation between females and males in my eyes was not clear. So, when I started learning all the different kinds of gender stereotypes and social gendered expectations, I felt uncomfortable, and a lot of questions came up in my mind. Why do boys have to be strong and cannot cry? Why do girls have to always behave gracefully and be considerate? Why, in cartoons, princess are always rescued by prince but not the other way around? Why is the happy ending always one girl and one boy, with no other options? (In the end, Winnie the Pooh became my favorite cartoon because it focuses more on the different characteristics of different animals, their friendship, and their adventures, not gender.) And, when some people say that they feel fear, discomfort, or hatred toward people who are not heterosexual or who do not follow social gendered expectations, I just never got it. For me, it's why people are different and unique; there's nothing wrong with it. However, my family is not like me; they have obviously internalized homophobia. Because of that, when I realized I was a lesbian, I kept hiding and disguising that part of me in front of them because I knew that if they found out, they would do whatever they could to 'correct' me. That scared me a lot. It wasn't until I came to the US for school, and one day, my mom bluntly asked me through the phone, 'Are you gay? A young friend of mine looked at your picture and asked me this question. Now I am asking you, are you gay?' I said, 'Yes.' Then, I heard my mom cry heavily on the phone. This was not unexpected at all, the reasons that I still decided to admit it are I had been hiding myself for more than 25 years; it was enough. And, most importantly, at that time, we were in different countries, so for me, it was a perfect time to come out because I would be safe, and they wouldn't be able to do anything to me. After the phone call, we didn't talk to each other for months. I remember feeling so angry because I hated that I made my mom cry, but to me, my sexuality is not something I could choose. Mom, you bore me like this, put me in this situation, and now you blame me for disappointing you. It's not fair! I was so mad that I couldn't sleep for days. After struggling for a period of time, one day, I just realized that my mom also didn't have a choice in what kind of kid she would have. Life also threw her a curveball. Suddenly, I stopped being so angry. A couple of months later, I received a phone call from my mom; some awkward greetings, and we didn't talk too much about my sexuality, but I remember she kept telling me that she wanted me to be happy. Till now, we still haven't had serious talks about my sexuality. Sometimes, she will ask me if I am seeing someone, any girlfriend? My answer is always, 'Mom, don't ask unless you can fully accept it. Curiosity kills the cat. I don't want you to be killed.' So, like when I got married at the beginning of this year, I didn't let her know. But, one day, if she tell me that she is fully ready, I would love to share all the fun things I experience in my married life with her. To summarize, from my coming out experience as an adult child, one thing that worked for me and my mom is giving each other more space, not trying to change or 'correct' each other, and being respectful of each other's points of view. For the teenagers coming out to their parents, I want to say to the parents, no matter how much you don't want to accept it, please keep in mind that your kids decide to tell you because they fully trust you and believe in the love between you that can really sort things out. In my case, I chose to avoid and lie to my parents when I was a teenager because I didn't feel safe disclosing it to them at that time. I know my mom won't be happy if she hears me say so, but it was just my self-protective mechanism. Coming out to family is always the hardest. Different families will have different journeys and difficulties along the way, but I always believe in the end, love will win. Thank you all for allowing me to share this part of myself with you all. Thank you, Enact, for providing such an LGBTQIA+ friendly environment that allows me to be true me. See you guys later! Enjoy the panel!"